Notes for dinner party conversation:

1. 1. In America last week a woman ingested bath salts and attacked her husband. After a long struggle she pinned him to the ground, … YOU WOULDN’T CATCH AND IRISH PERSON DOING THAT
2. 2. I was at the psychiatrists the other day and they said what do you think of this ink blot. What do I think of it? Yes, what do you think of it? What do you mean? I mean what do you think it looks like?
…
When I was five years old my eldest brother tripped and cut himself on the scissors he was holding. The scissors dug into his flesh and cut his arm longways. The skin around the wound curled back like soft, wet ribbon and there was an inkling of flesh beneath the blood. Instead of crying or sobbing my brother picked up the scissors and began to further investigate the inside of his arm. He reached the bone. After some time, having recently read a medical article (in the readers digest)he knew the wound should be cauterised to prevent infection and further blood loss. He located his lighter (he used it in the preparation of HEROIN, perhaps thsis explained his extreme pain tolerance) and slowly and methodically singed the flesh of his arm. He pinched the wound shut and held it thusly until the whole thing fused shut. While I don’t see anything in particularly physically in your inkblot test it does sort of stir up this memory.
3. 3. Let’s everyone just sit and think of something funny together
5. 4. peel the skin off your feet in one big peel. This can be hard to do. Sometimes it doesn’t work and the skin breaks in half half way through and you have to start again but it’s worth it. Perhaps after two weeks your skin will grow thick enough and you can begin again. After several months you should have enough practice to pick the skin off your feet in one big peel.walk around barefoot in order to speed up the process(walking barefoot has a whole host of other purported benefits too).
Peel the skin off your feet in one big peel.keep it under your bed.do this continually.mold the skin into a human shape.it is not human we can all agree on this.
Slowly remove cells from variuos organs.clone them.smush them into the footpeel humanoid.this is still not a human.we can all agree on this.
Impart life-force into the footpeel,organ-clone humanoid.(NB. DO NOT USE YOUR OWN.USE SOMEONE ELSE’S MAYBE SOMEONE WITH XTRA OR SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO GIVE THEIR’S UP OR PERHAPS SOMEONE WHO NEGLECTS THEIRS).the life-force enters the humanoid.and in this way it is undeniably human.it is given voting rights.
7. 5. Why are old people the way they are? Just waiting around to die?

James Moran is an alt.comedian from County Dublin. His work is influenced by weird fiction, new weird america, freak out lit, alt lit, beat poetry, internet art,  performance poetry, new sincerity, sunday reading, irony, surrealism, post-modern humour, hip-hop, hypnogogism hi-fructoze,gonzo journalism, scientific journalism, ubiquitous memory, new-wave, zine ephemera, digital archiving, post-internet art, dream-scaling, weird zine, punk poetry, soft observation, youtube info-serial-documentarianism, stage-chat, ritualised-minimalism, fan-fiction, low satire, dada-punk, abjekt aktionism, no-fi, duke, dancehall, maximilism, cross-pollination. Follow him on twitter @JMichaelMoran and read more of his stuff at jamesmichaelmoran.tumblr.com