Requiem for a Nokia by Amy Kennelly

My mate Eddie has a great sense of direction. Hop on a drive with him and there’s no GPS, no maps. Occasionally on a new journey he might have scribbled down a couple of instructions on a hastily drawn map on the back of an envelope. He put his great sense of direction down to his Nokia 1110, which he had owned for 7 years. Unlike us smartphone users, Eddie has not learned to rely on Google maps forcing him to develop and retain his cognitive navigational skills. Unfortunately on April 1st, 2017 Australian phone network Optus shut down the 2G network and Eddie’s Nokia 1110, though it was in perfect working order, after 7 years of service, was no longer able to communicate with a world of telecommunications that had moved on. On the day of decommissioning a few friends gathered to celebrate the life of a red phone with beige scratches which had been through many batteries, but never gave up. Bec lovingly crafted a coffin, adorned with flowers and tealights, and a portrait she drew of the decomissioned network. Maddie, in an outfit channelling Sarah Michelle Gellar’s funeral garb in Cruel Intentions, led the eulogy. And together we led the coffin out to the garden, dug a hole in the flower bed and buried it amongst native Australian shubbery and in real life snakes. The next day when Eddie thought he had better exhume the body to remove the battery so any leakage wouldn’t harm the plants, digging through the freshly turned up soil he found the phone had disappeared…

Amy Kennelly is a very tall former librarian and Oprah fan living in Sydney.